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Tuesday 3 July 2012

JOKES JOKES (Papa Aboy’s Adventure)

One man named papa aboy was known as a very hard worker by his wife. He only comes back late most nights, and does not come back at all some few nights. He would always complain that he never had time for life enjoyment. So one day, his wife decided to surprise him.
WIFE: Papa Aboy
PAPA ABOY: mama aboy
WIFE: please make u help me go somewhere today na weekend?
PAPA ABOY: let’s go there mama aboy.
His wife had decided to take hiim to a striper club for drink and fun. When they got there. The waiter on seeing papa aboy on sight, he shouted papa de papa, what of aboy the bad boy. His wife was surprised. Papa aboy, how come they already know you his wife asked…no I might have resembled another papa aboy. So they sat down. The same waiter came. Papa aboy what shall I get for ur guest, here is ur normal star beer and benson. The wife was mad. How did he know you take star together with benson? Papa aboy answered… The other papa might have similar facts with me, this must be a total co-incidence. At that spot, a striper came and kissed him and said, papa aboy, come and rock me as usual. At that juncture, his wife left with anoyance. Papa aboy followed her immediately. She had already stoped a cab and was in it, about to leave, papa aboy quickly opened the cab door and flew in heavily breathing… While they were about to argue, the cab man now said…papa aboy you are very lucky today. You just picked a very attractive bitch today. Congratulations.

Papa Aboy’s Adventure

JOKES (The Prayer of the Nigerian Man)

May the Almighty bless you all! Eternal God, we put our
faces on the ground before you today as we beg you to forgive our sins, even
though, we black people, haven’t sinned. I’m saying this because we are not the
ones who killed your only son Jesus Christ, white people did!
As you know even better than we do, he was betrayed by a
white man, they handed him over to another white man who ordered him to be
whipped!
Moreover, these same white people ordered him to be
crucified! The traitor was called Judas Iscariot. You can check this out, we
don’t have names like Iscariot here in Nigeria, we are called: Ikenna, Emem,
Yakubu, Achebe, Odige, Ada, Sade, Sola, Halima, Idara, Chidi, Hassana, Nana,
Taiwo, Nnamdi, Shehu, Osaro, Funke, Chidera, Danjuma, Doyinsola, Aloaye, etc…
We have no clue where is the Golgotha (that’s the place
where they crucified your beloved son), we just know how to go from Lagos
to Kaduna  to Abuja to Ibadan to Enugu to Maidugiri
and come back. We’ve never been to any of the holy cities in the Bible;
therefore we can’t possibly be implicated in the crucifixion of our Lord. If
you don’t believe us, please watch the movie “The Passion of the Christ”, and
you will see for yourself that no black person, let alone an African or a
Nigerian took part to that sad event
This is why we beg you, O Lord Almighty, please make black
people rich at long last and let white people work for them for a change!


The Prayer of the Nigerian Man

JOKES JOKES JOKES (Total Must pay)

Mrs Patience Jonathan
went out
for drinks with some of
the top
women.
Waiter brings their bill:
Mrs
Jonathan N10,400
Ngozi Okonjo N10,250
Dora Akunyili N10,450
Turai Yar’adua N10,200
Total N41,300
She says:I will pay for
everyone
else,but Total must pay
for herself
because i didnt invite
her,afterall
she owns petrol
stations all over
Nigeria
hehe Omo 9ja!!!

JOKES JOKES JOKES (Igbo man sense)

one day an hausa man was operating an ATM maching, so the igbo man there now said,hahahaha mumu i no ur pasword na 2222,the hausa man now said na u be mumu my password na 3456

Igbo man sense

JOKES JOKES JOKES(Next in Line)

Old aunty vick is 65years old and she lives with her younger sister who has a 21year old son called peter.one day they went 4 wedding and after the wedding aunty vick told peter you are the next inline and peter smiled.later after 2 month they went 4 burial and after the burial peter looked at old aunty vick and said,’you are the next inline’.

Next in Line

Vacancy for Personal Assistant to the MD/CEO Recruitment

OVERVIEW:
Bradfield consulting is a professional service firm created to provide human resource solutions for organizations of any size.
Our goal is to help our esteemed clients eliminate issues bordering on having incompatible or inexpert employees. A male Personal Assistant to the MD/CEO of a reputable company is needed.
Personal Assistant
SKILLS AND SPECIFICATION:
Good communication skills.
Computer and Internet savvy.
Team management skills.
Interpersonal skills.
Personal Assistant
JOB QUALIFICATION:
Good first degree.
At least 2 years working experience in the same role.
JOB DESCRIPTION:
- writing reports, executive summaries and newsletters,
- preparing presentations,
- preparing papers for meetings,
- managing and reviewing filing and office systems,
- updating websites,
- typing documents,
- booking meetings,
- organizing travel and preparing complex travel itineraries,
- writing minutes and taking dictation,
- planning, organizing and managing events,
- managing a budget,
- sourcing and ordering stationery and office equipment,
- managing projects, – reading, monitoring and responding to the principal’s email,
- answering calls and handling queries,
- liaising with staff, clients, etc.,
- managing the principal’s electronic diary,
- attending events/meetings as the principal’s representative,
- preparing correspondence on the principal’s behalf,
- commissioning work on the principal’s behalf,
- conducting research on the internet,
Personal Assistant
Method of application
If interested, please send CV to jarimoro@bradfieldconsulting.net

Brewery Firm NB Plc – Vacancy

Vacancy Details
JOB TITLE
MANAGEMENT TRAINEES
LEVEL
MANAGEMENT
REFERENCE CODE
CDM/MGT TR/010612
JOB DESCRIPTION
The Management Trainee position is an integral part of the NB Plc Graduate Management Development Scheme, targeted at identifying young, bright, ambitious and talented Nigerian graduates who are desirous of a career in a world class environment. Vacancy
After a highly competitive selection process, successful candidates will undergo a systematic and broad -based training programme involving formal training and experiential attachments for 12 months. At the end of the training, successful candidates will be considered for management positions in the company. http://www.nigeriajobszone.com
JOB REQUIREMENTS
The ideal candidate must not be older than thirty (30) years as at 30th June 2012 and should possess the following…
* Five (5) credit grades in WASC/GCE/SSCE/ including Maths, English and 3 other relevant subjects obtained at one sitting.
* NYSC Discharge Certificate
* Minimum of Second Class Honors’ (Upper Division) university degree, in any of the listed courses
- Computer Engineering
- Marketing
- Business Administration
- Computer Science
- Sociology
- Economics
- Public Administration
- Statistics
- Political Science
- Psychology
- Finance
- Accountancy
- Geography
* A master’s degree in a related field though not compulsory will be an advantage.
* Ability to work with basic computer applications (e.g. Word, Excel, Power Point etc.
* Willingness to work in any part of Nigeria.
* Personal initiative and drive.
JOB REMUNERATION   Vacancy
The position offers good career opportunities and competitive remuneration. In addition to basic salary with performance related increments and a pension scheme, it attracts performance related bonuses, housing, transport and leave allowances, free medical treatment for self and family, paid annual leave and other fringe benefits.
CLICK HERE TO APPLY FOR JOB VACANCY

British Council Nigeria Current Recruitment

OVERVIEW:
Jobs with the British Council offer scope for versatility, initiative and creativity in a stimulating and supportive environment.
Working for the British Council offers you a unique opportunity to gain experience and develop skills in a modern, rapidly changing organisation with worldwide influence and impact.
British Council Nigeria
The British Council in Nigeria is looking for suitably qualified and experienced individuals to fill the following posts in Abuja:
British Council Nigeria

TO APPLY CLICK ON THE JOB TITLE:
Security Coordinator
Resources Officer
Procurement Officer
Programme Officer
ELT Project Manager
ELT Teacher Training Project Manager
ELT Project Officer (x2)
For more information and to apply, visit http://www.britishcouncil.org/africa-vacancies.htm

 British Council Nigeria Current Recruitment

Pension Fund Administrator (PFA) Latest Jobs

JOB TITLE: HEAD, RISK MANAGEMENT AND AUDIT
REF:
HR/001
LOCATION:
Lagos.

COMPANY OVERVIEW:
Our client, a leading Pension Fund Administrator (PFA) fully commited to excellent service delivery, requires the services of credible candidates with a team-working orientation to fill the following vacant positions
that have emerged in the organization on account of business growth:
JOB REQUIREMENTS
Education: B.Sc Accounting / Banking & Finance, ACA, Additional qualification will be an added advantage
10 years on the job experience.
5 years of which must be in a Management position.
Preferably, a PFA work experience will be an advantage.
Pension Fund Administrator
CORE COMPETENCIES
Indepth understanding of modern risk management approaches as it applies to the Pension Reform Act
Sound knowledge of modern internal control processes methodologies
Good written and oral communication skills
JOB SUMMARY
achieve departmental objectives.
Monitor investment risk profile.
Carry out regular audit exercise.
Ensure safety of funds and Company assets.
Review/establish a risk management framework.
Ensure compliance with control procedures.
Apply modern technology to streamline and fast track assigned responsibilities.
Ensure adherence by all staff of the unit to continously update service process benchmarks and procedures to
METHOD OF APPLICATION
The Administrator 0211,
Context Consult Limited, 9 Ikorodu Road,
Maryland, Ikeja
Please state reference number in the subject field.
Pension Fund Administrator
Application deadline July 10, 2012.

Nigeria Career Jobs – CISHAN

Civil Society for HIV/Aids in Nigeria (CiSHAN) is the umbrella national network or over 3,000 indigenous non-governmental, non-profit making organizations spread across the 36 states of Nigeria and the FCT that are committed towards intervening in the issues of HIV/AIDS.
CiSHAN coordinates, facilities, advocates and ensures the needs and issues of CSOs working on HIV/AIDS prevention, treatment, care and support services in Nigeria. Career
1.) PROJECT DIRECTOR
LOCATION: ABUJA
RESPONSIBILITIES
The Project Director will be responsible for developing and managing CiSHAN as a Network. The Project Director shall participate in representing CiSHAN nationally and internationally to share, learn and participate in efforts towards addressing HIV/AIDS and surrounding issues. The ideal candidate will have a proven track record in leadership and management positions and must have held similar positions for more than 10 years in other relevant organizations and will have the following attributes amongst others.
QUALIFICATION & SKILLS
M.A in Public Health, Social Sciences or equivalent experience
Ten years plus senior level experience in HIV/AIDS development program operations
In depth knowledge and five years cognate experience of heading and serving as a Project Director or Project Coordinator in managing Global Fund and other international donor agencies projects at a senior management level.
Comfortable with a team approach to management and the ability to manage several major activities simultaneously
Excellent general management skills particularly in facilitation, team building and coordination
Strong supervisory and excellent problem solving skills
Prior program coordination experience with background on reporting to donors
Excellent time management, organizational and computer software skills
Excellent interpersonal, verbal and written communication skills are essential
A highly motivated and organized individual, comfortable with working under minimum supervision and as part of a team. An ability to cope with work-related pressure, whilst remaining deadline and focus oriented, and good humored
2.) PROJECT COORDINATOR
LOCATION: ABUJA
RESPONSIBILITIES
Has the overall responsibility to coordinate implementation of Global Fund Round 9 Project and the work of all the SDAM Managers of the project. Ensure full success of project cycle with strict adherence to its set timing, quality delivery, budget and indicators.
QUALIFICATIONS
M.A in Public Health, Social Sciences or equivalent experience
Ten years plus senior level experience in HIV/AIDS development program operations
Excellent general management skills particularly in facilitation, team building and coordination
Effective communicator with ability to communicate organization’s direction and ability to motivate others with strong, honest leadership
Prior program coordination experience with background on reporting to donors
Excellent time management, organizational and computers software skills
In depth knowledge and five years cognate experience of heading and serving as a Project Director or Project Coordinator in managing Global Fund and other international donor agencies projects at a senior management level.
Comfortable with a team approach to management and the ability to manage several major activities simultaneously
Excellent interpersonal, verbal and written communication skills are essential.
3.) FINANCE MANAGER
LOCATION: ABUJA
RESPONSIBILITIES
Have the overall responsibility to establish and maintain financial and management procedures and system for the Global Fund Project. Ensure compliance with all regulatory requirements as relating to Financial Law and to ensure adequate resource acquisition for the sustainability of CiSHAN.
QUALIFICATION & SKILLS
M.A in Finance, Accounting or equivalent experience
Extensive financial or cost management experience
Comfortable with a team approach to management and the ability to manage several major activities simultaneously
In depth knowledge and experience of financial software applications, databases, spreadsheets, and/or word processing required. Packages include: QuickBooks, Microsoft Outlook, Access, and Excel and Word plus university-specific accounting & reporting packages
Excellent general management skills particularly in facilitation, team building and coordination        Career
Effective communicator with ability to communicate organization’s direction and ability to motivate others with strong, honest leadership
5 years plus senior level experience in development program operations.
In depth knowledge and cognate experience in managing Global Fund and other international donor agencies projects at senior management level
Experience in the preparation of financial statements, budgets and forecast
Firm foundation in accounting principles and financial reporting standards
Sub-contract and sub-agreement financial management experience
Experience with international, non-profit organizations (larger than $10M), as well as a multi-office, multi-national environment  Career
Understanding of the difference between contracts and cooperative agreements and their relevant terms and conditions
Experience with the Global Fund will be an added advantage.
4.) OVC MANAGER
LOCATION: ABUJA Career
RESPONSIBILITIES
Has the overall responsibility for effective planning and successful implementation of CiSHAN’s OVC programs and projects as well as all activities related to Care and Support for Orphans and Vulnerable Children including partnership building and coordination services of CiSHAN.
QUALIFICATIONS
First degree in health sciences, public health and health economics
Higher qualification in the social or health sciences or a related development sector Career
15 years’ experience in the design, management, training and delivery of OVC services (social and/or health services) in Nigeria
Strong computer skills, including MS Word, PowerPoint and Excel
Previous experience in managing a Global Fund project, working with OVC will be an added advantage
Cross cultural sensitivity and excellent of OVC
Experience in report writing, financial reports including planning, managing and budgeting projects
Effective communicator with ability to communicate organization’s direction and ability to motivate others with strong, honest leadership
5.) MONITORING & EVALUATION MANAGER
LOCATION: ABUJAhttp://www.nigeriajobszone.com
RESPONSIBILITIES
Have the overall responsibility for effective planning and successful implementation of CiSHAN’s M & E programs and projects as well as all activities related to developing, implementing, and overseeing the Program’s entire performance management and reporting system, including preparing and updating the M&E Plan for CiSHAN.
QUALIFICATIONS Career
Master’s Degree or equivalent, in health, social sciences, or management
At least 10 years’ experience in monitoring and evaluation of large-scale programmes e.g. Global Fund.
Extensive experience in working with international cooperating partners and donors, the public and private sectors and non-governmental organizations
Have a good grasp of the determinants, challenges and impact of HIV and AIDS in Nigeria and the growing demand for effective response planning, monitoring and evaluation frameworks
Experience in the design and implementation of HIV and AIDS programmes
Experience in the design and building of at least one monitoring and evaluation system, from inception (or design stages
8 years’ experience in designing and implementing scientific research (research project leader on at least one major research project)
Systems building and systems thinking skills as well as high-level advocacy and communication skills
Well-developed conceptual thinking skills
Evidence of result-driven and results-based management
Strong computer skills, including MS Word, PowerPoint and Excel and knowledge of database systems
Ability to work in and around team building environment and work under pressure
Previous experience in managing a Global Fund Project, working on M & E will be an added advantage.
All candidates must meet all the criteria of minimum qualification.
METHOD OF APPLICATION
Apply for any of the above vacancies, interested persons must send a one page cover letter and a CV, quoting the position you are applying for on the subject matter of the email.
Applications should be sent in 3 copies via email to: ciscghan@yahoo.com, ugo_smlas@yahoo.com and Hard copies addressed and sent to:
The Ag. Chairman, CiSHAN,
4, Eket Close, Area & Garki Abuja.
The closing date for all applications is 5pm Friday 6th of July, 2012
Note: There are no relocation allowances available for any of the advertised positions.
Only shortlisted candidates will be contacted and shortlisted candidates must be ready to attend interview within a short period of time. We are proud to be an equal opportunity employer.

KCA DEUTAG Recruits Chief Electricians

JOB POSITION: Chief Electricians
We are currently looking for a high calibre experienced Chief Electricians to join our Land Rig Operations operating out of Nigeria.
Servicing and repair experience with PLCs, SCRs and/or VFD Drives.
Knowledge of hazardous areas equipment.
LOCATION: Nigeria
KCA DEUTAG
COMPANY PROFILE:
KCA DEUTAG is one of the largest drilling contractors outside the Americas. We are responsible for managing more than 100 drilling rig operations, both onshore and offshore, in more than 20 countries and are a world leader in the design and construction of drilling facilities.
Our aim is to be the preferred drilling contractor through measurable performance improvement.
We are committed to conducting our business in a way that promotes a positive, constructive and consistent KCA DEUTAG culture, with standards and methods of work that support this culture.  “The KCA DEUTAG Way” defines the kind of company that we are and will continue to strive to be for the sake of our employees, our clients, the environment, and the society in which we operate.
NEXT STEPS
If you are passionate about safety, can relate to our core values and believe you can support our commitment to delivering Safe, Effective and Trouble-Free Operations then we want to hear from you.
The “Apply Now” link below will allow you to register your details on our database and upload your current CV along with a covering letter.
For further information about our worldwide operations, rig fleet and other career opportunities with KCA DEUTAG, please refer to the Operations, Rigs and Career sections of our website www.kcadeutag.com
METHOD OF APPLICATION
APPLICATION DEADLINE: 15 July 2012

African Development bank Group(AfDB) Job Recruitment

The first thing you will notice about the African Development bank Group(AfDB) is the passion of its employees to help reduce poverty on the continent,
improve living conditions for Africans and mobilize resources for the continent’s economic and social development. That is what drives us to seek motivated individuals who share this commitment to poverty reduction.


POSITION TITLE: CHIEF PROTOCOL OFFICER – GENERAL SECRETARIAT, PROTOCOL & ELECTED OFFICERS SERVICES DIVISION
GRADE:
PL-3
POSITION N°:
50078457
REFERENCE:
ADB/12/ 175 (RE ADVERTISED)
OBJECTIVES
The mandate of Secretariat-General (SEGL) of the Bank Group includes: (i) being responsible for the Board of Governors Secretariat, the Board of Directors and subsidiary bodies and to manage relations between the Boards and Senior Management; (ii) coordinating statutory relations between senior management, the boards and member countries of the Bank; (iii) providing administrative, protocol and support services to elected officers. Furthermore, SEGL is responsible for documentation, archives and conference services and is in charge of the Bank’s protocol services.
The main duties of the Protocol and Elected Officers Division (SEGL.2) are to provide protocol services, manage relations with the host country of the Bank’s headquarters or Bank Group field offices and provide administrative services to elected officers.
DUTIES AND RESPONSIBILITIES
Under the guidance of the Secretary General, and under the supervision of the Division Manager (Chief of Protocol), the Chief Protocol officer will:
Second and assist the Chief Protocol Officer in the Division’s activities;
Coordinate protocol services during the Annual Meetings of the Board of Governors, the important meetings, events organized by the Bank or those being held under its auspices;
Maintain relations with the host country and field offices and manage the privileges and immunities granted to the Bank and its personnel under the Headquarters Agreement and other agreements signed with various field offices;
Plan, organize, and supervise the protocol activities of the Division of Protocol in the Bank;
Coordinate the work done in various sections of the Division;
Ensure the existence of harmonious relationships with administrative services of the host country in line with the Headquarters Agreement and other agreements signed with field offices ;
Write and check notes and official correspondences of the Bank, such as letters to Heads of State, Prime Ministers, other international; dignitaries, etc;
Design the Division’s work programs and to supervise budgetary expenditures;
Advise and help Bank staff with the diplomatic and legal practices;
Coordinate a training program on diplomatic practices with the Human Resources department.
SELECTION CRITERIA
Including desirable skills, knowledge and experience
At least a Master’s degree or its equivalent in International Relations, Political Science or related fields. Studies and training in diplomacy would be an advantage;
An experience in diplomatic and protocol practices within International organizations would be an advantage;
Track record of leading and supervising a team;
Integrity and experience of working in a multicultural professional environment;
Excellent spoken and written English and/or French, with good working knowledge of the other language;
Competence in the use of standard software used in the Bank (Outlook, Word, Excel, PowerPoint).
A minimum of seven (7) years of relevant professional experience within governmental institutions, regional or international organizations. Expert knowledge in diplomatic rules and conventions and strong knowledge of international economic relations required.
Click here to apply
Application deadline: 10/07/2012.